I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
