he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
