Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
