I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
