party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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