God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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