Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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