Those balls look pretty dangerous.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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