I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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