i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
