i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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