Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My ATM looks so different sober.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
