I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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