You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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