fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
