so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
