I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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