You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
