If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
