is wine microwaveable?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
