i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
