Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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