Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
