we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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