Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
