im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
