Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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