Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
