His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
