Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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