sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
My ATM looks so different sober.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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