I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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