i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
