Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Life without a bra equals bliss.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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