3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
