why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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