btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
