dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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