don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
