we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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