naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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