What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
