So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
