i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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