Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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