It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
