you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
