Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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