so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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