I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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