sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
No I am not eating basil off your cock
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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