I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
