Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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