I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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