Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
